Click the link to see my latest post for Firefly

Dear Specialist


Latest contract piece for firefly

Click here to see my latest post for firefly

Succulent, see

Hi all! I haven’t disappeared. I realise that my posts here are few and far between. I have been doing a few blog commissions for Firefly recently hence my absence here. In addition to that things have been a bit up and down with Amy. We had a hospital visit last week.. nothing serious but she was beyond irritable and had to be checked over etc.

This weekend we are going away. We are going to haven to stay in an adapted caravan. My mum and dad were meant to be coming too but we had a bit of a mishap on venue and they ended up at a different haven location on a different weekend (haha!). Funny now, but wasn’t back then.

I am actually typing this purely in a mission to waste time. We have a guy round doing cctv in the drains. We had this blockage incident at the weekend which meant if any of us needed the toilet we had to take it in turns to go to the supermarket (another “funny now, wasn’t back then). Waiting for him to leave so I can pick up amy’s prescription and pick up some stuff from the shops then hopefully walk the dog.

I woke up with a stinking cold today. So annoying isn’t it. There is never a convenient time to get one but today is especially not good. I seem totally incapable of resting. I managed earlier for literally 5 minutes before I went and sorted Amy’s clothes out. Managed to clear out loads of stuff she has outgrown and also found a friend happy to take them on for her daughter. Feels like a huge win but I really do have a headache. Anxiety is so annoying for this. I can sit down at night when phil is there and I’m too physically exhausted to do anything else.. but other than that I’m whirling around like a fool trying to get things done.#

I haven’t really got any other news… if you can call any of what I said up there “news”. We did complete on the sale of the house which was good… we have been paying both mortgage and rent for the last 6 or so months and it was starting to become a financial struggle. So this has been a huge relief for us and now we can start to finish Amy’s bedroom. She needs a wardrobe and a few other bits as storage is fast becoming an issue. We will be having hoist tracking fitted soon so will be good to have her room ready for that so we can figure out the logistics.

We are that awkward stage now where really she is getting hard to carry… but we can do transfers without a hoist. It’s almost like we are in a transition period. I am struggling coming to terms with the idea of hoisting. I know that in years to come I will look back on now and wonder why I was so upset about it… but it is what it is and whilst I count my blessings everyday I think it is only normal to grieve and wallow. I just try not to wallow for too long as it isn’t conducive to a good outcome.

We’ve had a few pretty traumatic school drop offs and outings lately.  I’m not sure what the source of bother is but she is getting very distressed and pretty much undistractable at times and it has tested my patience harder than ever before. My friend took me out for breakfast on wednesday. I arrived at school literally shaking and holding back the tears. Amy had wailed the entire way in and because of traffic it took almost an hour and a half of creeping crawling traffic to get her in. She was bright red in the face, covered in tears, inconsolable. I hear from nursery that her mood and indeed day did improve so that’s good.

This time next year she will qualify for school transport. I am nervous for this and at first was determined that I continue to bring her in but have my own petrol allowance… but after this last week or so I am in no doubt about what needs to be done. Unless of course she is even more distressed with them. My worry is that they may have even less patience than me and I can’t stand the thought of someone being angry towards her. So we will see. Maybe having other kids in transit or her ipad will make it a better journey.

Today I finally got round to planting my succulent and cactus seeds. I have been annoying Phil for ages with my quest for the perfect succulent. I actually did buy some really cute nice ones and have them displayed on the front room window sill but I also have planted some seeds as well. I did it with the idea that really I should have hobbies other than just boring things like chores… and nature and plants are always a good idea. I am hoping to play more games, listen to more interesting podcasts, walk more and read more too.. there often aren’t enough hours in the day and sometimes when there are I am too tired. I don’t want on my death bed to be wondering why I spent so much time doing the dishes… I should be recalling all of the lovely trips I had and hobbies I indulged in and so on. I wish I didn’t spend so much time imagining myself on a stereotypical deathbed listing my many regrets in life… hopefully that won’t happen.

We all say we won’t turn into our parents but I remember wondering why they liked feeding ducks so much, feeding birds in the garden, and growing plants.. and here I am now loving all of those exact things. I’m not a party animal like them though.

I had a lovely walk with my dad yesterday too. I hadn’t seen my mum and dad properly in over a week and was becoming a bit miserable. So when I received a text yesterday inviting me out on a dog walk and then to their house for food I was actually delighted. It transformed a lonely (but needed) respite day into a day of fun and laughter.

I will leave this here so I can continue to bumble awkwardly around my own house trying to work out if this guy wants a brew (he declined when I asked..) and if he is planning to leave any time soon.