What’s more interesting than a blog post about complaining about tiredness? Probably just about anything else at all. But sadly that’s all I got right now!
Recently I have been absolutely fatigued. I know I have a lot of broken sleep but even so, no amount of naps, extra sleep, time alone, socialising, exercise, healthy eating, water drinking etc is making an ounce of difference. I don’t think I’m anemic right now. Who knows.
It has me wondering – is this just how achey I will always be? Is this a normal level of achey or am I just a whingebag? I feel so exhausted. My life is pretty non-stop and even when I get time to chill I find it hard to loosen up and unwind. I am so tense and on edge.
I am wondering if I have a hormone issue or if my blood disorder (ITP) is affecting how I feel. The last week has been characterised by my constant making of fresh homemade veg soup. I was hoping that kale, spinach, peas, cabbage, swede, carrots and whatever else would help me feel more energised.
I keep considering going to the doctors about it but I know they’ll just say it’s my lifestyle as a “special needs parent” or that my anxiety is making me this way. I would rather not have a blood test as it makes me faint, but I’m wondering what else to do.
I walked 4km today in the hot weather with Monty.. I know that isn’t far but when you’ve spent the morning bathing and dressing a very wriggly little girl and hauling wheelchairs and bags about etc you know that you’ve had an active day. This morning was so stressful. The little one woke up in a horrendous mood and wailed the entire way to nursery no matter what I did. In addition to this the traffic was bad, her feeding pump was alarming and beeping away (I couldn’t do anything about it so just had to endure it!). So I was sat on the playground floor trying to replace and prime the giving set and thinking how exhausted I was.
I am sorry to complain. But tiredness makes me this way. I know there is so much worse going on at the moment but knowing that doesn’t help. I am so worried about a friend of mine, and I am worried about an issue my parents had with their house and someone frauding them etc too. I used to get really bad anxiety about a burglary. I am not bothered by the theft of possessions but more the prospect of violence. I sometimes got so bad with it that I would purposely put tables right in front of the door so that if someone did get in they would instantly fall and I would have advanced warning. Ridiculous I know. Irrational I know. Sometimes people don’t get that about anxiety. They think you aren’t aware of how ridiculous you’re being. But no, we fully get it, thank you. We are sorry.
Sorry to be so negative, sometimes I do just need to let it all out and I am sure there are others that feel the same. It’s hard to enjoy myself and it’s hard to feel like your life is becoming about appeasing others.
I wonder is my mind in overdrive and it is having a knock effect on my body. I feel like I am overly worried about the future. I don’t know. I am not doing a good job of explaining myself today. I recently have been immersing myself in nature a lot more, and fresh food… in a desperate hope that it will “fix” me. It would seem that no amount of beautiful blossom trees and other people’s dogs are helping.
I will leave this here. I don’t really have a purpose for this post, I just felt like writing it.